Practice masturbating without lubrication. When you notice sensations indicating you are close to ejaculation . . . stop. (You may find it helpful to use your thumb and forefinger to squeeze your penis near the base or where the shaft joins the head to delay ejaculation). Pause and wait for sensations to decrease. Resume masturbation; repeat the cycle several times. Allow yourself to ejaculate, focusing on sensations. Practice several times/week.
Practice altering the amount or type of stimulation during masturbation, rather than stopping stimulation altogether. Again, masturbate without lubrication. When you notice sensations indicating you are close to ejaculating, experiment with changing the type of stimulation (i.e., slow down strokes, make them lighter). The goal is to keep arousal high but controlled. Repeat the cycle several times and practice at least 3x/week.
Add lubrication to masturbation to increase sensations of pleasure. Repeat the steps above to gain confidence with the same techniques, this time with lubrication.
Progress to practicing intercourse with a partner. Use the same basic principles you’ve developed with the steps above. When aware of sensations indicating you are close to orgasm, stop moving or thrusting. Pause and wait for sensations to decrease (it may be helpful to squeeze the base of your penis). When resuming movement, begin slowly. Repeat the process several times before allowing yourself to ejaculate.
Try to be patient with yourself, and strive for incremental improvement. (“Perfection” is not a helpful or a realistic goal.) There may be times when you ejaculate earlier than you would like, but this is not causing for alarm. Be kind to yourself and return to practicing the steps. If you find that, even after months of practice, you are not making improvements, or if you become especially discouraged or anxious, then talking with a qualified therapist or sex counselor may be helpful. It may also be helpful to remember that developing a healthy and mutually-enjoyable sex life does not hinge on this (or any other) single element of sex. Communication, intimacy, and emotional connection are also important dimensions of sexuality.
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